Dear Joshua,
This letter is never going to get to you, ever, but I need to write it anyways. You're not the same person you used to be. You've changed so much. You never treat me the same as you used to. I don't know if those are the reasons I no longer feel connected to you, or maybe I was never really in love. It's hard to tell at this moment. All I know is I'm not happy. You don't make me happy. It hurts terribly the things you do and say, or don't do and say. Is it really too much to ask for you to pay attention to me from time to time? I mean, REALLY pay attention? Or do and say sweet things for me like you used to?
I chose to have our baby because you convinced me it was the best for us. I believed it would bring us closer together. Insead, it's torn us apart. I love my son to death and I'll never regret having him, I just meant you promised something, and once again didn't pull through in keeping that promise. Do you know I cry every single day? Maybe not physical tears, but I cry, on the inside. I just want you to notice I'm not happy. Notice that something is terribly wrong with me. You haven't even noticed I took up purging and starving again. You never think twice about my skipping meals and "never being hungry", or always being "too sick to eat."
Maybe you haven't hurt me physically, but you're hurting my emotionally. I just don't know how much longer I can take it. You need to open your eyes and see that I need more from you. If you don't....I'm terrified I won't be able to keep this relationship going...I can't be with someone who doesn't treat me the way I want to be treated. I know I don't deserve it, but it's still nice to have someone who actually cares about you and can show it. You just don't. I don't know if you do it on purpose or you just can't. Either way, it's not enough. I need to be cared about. I need to know I'm cared about. Like you used to do....
I love you, but I'm losing my patience waiting for you to show me you love me in return......
